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ONSTAGE & BACKSTAGE: A Tale of Two Seths
By Seth Rudetsky
28 May 2008
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Harvey Fierstein and Seth Rudetsky.
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A week in the life of actor, musician and Chatterbox host Seth Rudetsky.
Here's the deal: Thursday night I began to feel sick. When I woke up Friday I assumed I had gotten strep from Juli (James' daughter), who had it a week-and-a-half ago. I had a fever and hightailed it to the doctor. Of course, Murphy's law-style, the strep test came back negative, and I had no fever. That was literally the only five-minute period in the last four days where I haven't had a fever! I don't know why it happened right at that moment, but it made me look like a crazy person. He said not to worry, whatever I had would go away. I guess it did, if by "go away," he meant get progressively worse where I'm now on Tylenol with Codeine so I can sleep…and it's not even working!
The next morning James checked my throat with a flashlight, and let me just say that the only thing in recent memory whiter than my left tonsil is Hugh Jackman's 2004 Tony Awards performance of "One Night Only." I called my doctor and said that I must have strep, and since I'm allergic to penicillin, he gave me a Z-pack. He assured me, though, that I wasn't contagious anymore. But I felt terrible, so I had to cancel my afternoon tickets to Sunday in the Park With George. Devastating. Well, at least I could nap the whole afternoon. Really? Keep reading. Since James' mother is in town, we went out for a quick lunch, and then they all went to the South Street Seaport. I got back to my apartment to discover that James had my keys! Yay! It's fun to be locked out of your apartment with a fever and a white sweater on your tonsil. I had keys to James' apartment and slept there. By Sunday, I was determined not to cancel any more tickets, so I forced myself onto the subway and saw the amazing Gypsy. I'm so glad the show came to Broadway. People are always commenting, "Why do we need another revival of Gypsy?" My comment is, "Why did it ever close?" It should have stayed running since 1959. It was so fantastic to see and hear a full orchestra again after having to suffer through various revivals with orchestra reductions, yet ticket inflations. And I loved that the audience was completely silent during the overture because it wasn't used as a section of music to settle the audience so the show could then begin — it was the beginning of the show. The cast is fantastic. How great to have Patti LuPone back in an old-school musical. I remember thinking what a long wait it was between Evita and then Anything Goes, but that was less than ten years! This has been 20! I know she did her own show on Broadway, and plays and Sweeney Todd, but I'm talking old-school, high belt, stand on zero and tear-it-up musical comedy.
Side note: Speaking of standing on zero, I was lecturing to some school kids about Broadway with a bunch of cast members from Phantom and explaining to them that Broadway shows have numbers on the edge of the stage so people know where to stand so they don't block each other/bump into each other. The cast members told me that Phantom doesn't use them! I was aghast and then thought that maybe they didn't need them for dance formations. But I was then informed that there are indeed formations, and the cast is told things like "Line your body up to the slight crack you'll see upstage" or "Make sure you land that jete where the stage paint is slightly lighter." I heard it's a nightmare for the swings because they're not familiar enough with the stage to know where the crack is. Attention Phantomartistic staff: It's been twenty years! I'll paint the numbers on for you — it'll take me five minutes! The lighting guy from Phantom said that Tony Walton didn't like to have literal numbers on the stage, so he'd theme them to whatever show he was doing. During Guys and Dolls, they were all cards, and during Forum they were all Roman numerals. In other words, V was actually 5, prompting Nathan Lane to have a breakdown during rehearsal and say that there was no way to find your number unless you had a classics degree.
Okay, back to Gypsy. Laura Benanti was so fantastic. Her "Little Lamb" made me cry, and not out of boredom, which was always my reaction as a child listening to the cast album. The only time I'd ever lift that needle faster was when "Henry Street" came on my Funny Girl album. But Laura's version was so moving, and she managed to be totally emotional but not sacrifice her sound. I wasn't aware of her technique or anything, but I also wasn't thinking, "Ooh…that would have sounded good if only she were able to sustain it, or that would have sounded great, but the crying made it impossible for her to add vibrato, etc." And I've told her time and again how obsessed I am with her mooing when she's the cow in Dainty June's Farmboy number. It's such an amazing take on it. She doesn't try to be a cow at all. The subtext is, "I have no awareness of performing; I just have to say this syllable in rhythm." Every time she mooed I'd start crazily laughing and then have to shove a Halls in my mouth because it made my throat hurt.
Patti got a standing ovation after "Rose's Turn," and I think it was the first time I've been in a Broadway theatre where a standing ovation has happened in the middle of the show. Unless you count Good Vibrations, but the standing was then followed by walking out.
Even though Dr. Clements said I wasn't contagious, I was too scared to go backstage afterwards, so I sent James with his mom, and he congratulated Laura for her brava-ness. James complimented her on the last scene of Act One, where she so clearly showed the devastation of June leaving with Tulsa, then the joy of finally being a family, then the horror of witnessing Rose's steely denial. James said that he learned from me to be specific in his compliments after he sees someone in a show. Let me teach you all my theory: The most annoying thing is to not say anything. I've been with so many Broadway friends who'll run into fans who'll say, "I saw you in your show last week." Silence. Finally my friend will have to awkwardly ask, "Did you like it?" Devastating. Then people will also say, "You were great in your show!" Hmm, you'll think, that's a nice compliment….but it'll be followed by, "and we got a parking spot right away…that was great!" I guess they're both comparable. I've found that celebs love knowing which specific moment you loved, like "Nice vibrato on the E vowel!" or "Sassy beveled leg while standing in the background!" Specifics, people, specifics! Also, I hate when someone says to me, "You were the best one in it." It implies that everyone was awful, but out of the awful people, you were the least awful. Thanks?
This week at Sirius radio, I had the ultimate pleasure of interviewing one of my idols, Harvey Fierstein! I asked him about his early Broadway experience, and he said that his mom would bring him from Brooklyn to Broadway all the time when he was a kid, and he actually got to see Merman in Gypsy! As a kid, he wanted to be an artist. When he was 15, he was asked to help out a local theatre group and make posters. Then they asked him to help out by being in Barefoot in the Park where he got reviewed by Backstage. In that issue there was a notice that said that Andy Warhol was going to do a play at La MaMa. Because Harvey was an artist, he worshipped him and decided he had to audition. It was an enormous open call. Harvey did Juliet's balcony monologue and was the only one cast…as a manic lesbian maid. He did the show at La MaMa but was too young to go with it to London. The director, Paul Morrisey, felt bad for him and said that he'd cast Harvey in his next film, "Flesh." Harvey got so excited, went on a major diet and lost 60 pounds. He showed up for the first day of shooting and Paul said, "What am I supposed to do with you?" Harvey asked what he meant. Paul said, "The only thing you had going for you was that you looked like a freak…a fat kid in a dress. Now you look normal" … and unceremoniously fired him! Hmm…maybe that's why I haven't gotten any film work…I'm too skinny! Well, not to worry. Since my strep throat, I've been "treating myself" every night with a full-out chocolate malted. Stand back, Hollywood, here I come! No literally…stand back, I need room.
Speaking of Hollywood, "What Happens in Vegas" just came out, and it's the film I actually did get cast in and then had to ixnay because I couldn't take off two days from The Ritz. Has anyone seen it? It's too painful for me to see. That could have been me up there, saying two unimportant lines to Ashton Kutcher. Instead, I said two unimportant lines in The Ritz (per act). Back to Harvey. Continued...
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